Ya Allah, what kind of test is this? I don't want to hurt anybody. I don't want to give any hope. I guess I  am starting to change but I need some more strength My Lord. Whoever the best that you had wrote for my life, show me some hints. I don't know what to do and where to go. I need You to show me the way. You know exactly what's in my heart. I don't want to leave but I know that I can't stay. Yet, I don't want to be left! Why? Because I still feel those love. I miss you.. I do.. There's still hopes and love but... You waste your chances. I've been so rude and mean. You know the reason why, My Lord! I can't stand for it anymore. You gave me this heart will feelings that easy to touch. Now I am in pain. and you, I am sorry. I just have to be this way. It is for our own goodness. I always pray for your happiness. I just re-read your old post everything about your 'Jantung Manis'. How different you are from today. And I fall so hard for the old you... I'm sorry.